Allow Me to Burst your Bubble Dress

We’ve all seen it. A deadly and rapidly spreading fashion flesh eating disease, the unsightly bubble dress is running ramped at underage drinking hangouts, cheap department stores, and high school graduation parties around the globe. This savage garment attacks seemingly innocent victims in a specific age bracket. Girls from the ages of 15 to 20 are being drowned in fabric or tragically suffocate at the mercy of cheap and poorly crafted club attire in the form of a shapeless, unflattering, constricting sheath. Shockingly, most of these innocent young ladies are choosing the horrendous attire in hopes of hiding flaws or just finding a dress under $20 for a night out. Once donning a bubble dress, a victim’s torso is likely to drown in shapeless, thin material. Stomach pouches, boney hips, and cellulite are highlighted by a hideous draping of this monstrosity's thin, often sheer fabric. In addition, bubble dresses often attack with a tight band of elastic material mid-thigh, making even the sveltest of gams appear shorter, thicker, and less attractive. The most frightening attack on the female body is that of the upper chest. The area under the armpits and below the clavicle is squeezed with an anaconda like grip by a merciless band of cotton/polyester blend. This creates the dreaded armpit fat captured best in facebook photographs, which are later un-tagged by bubble dress victims. Unfortunately, there is no cure for bubble dresses at the recorded date. The only fight we have in this terrible epidemic is prevention and word of mouth. With this being said, ladies please stop purchasing bubble dresses and urge your friends (large or small) to give up their bubble dresses as well. Let’s stop this sickness before it starts. Goodnight and Good luck.